A change gon come…
I believe it’s a simple law of physics that if something is causing you constant pain the natural response is to do whatever possible to ease or extract it completely. At the end of this post please let me know if this conclusion is off base.
Sam Cooke definitely knew what he was talking about when he uttered the immortal words, “A change gon come.” Change seems to be the only constant in my life lately. Good and bad.
My apartment flooded for the second time in 6 months, and I decided I had to move out, but I luckily found an amazing two-bedroom apartment in my price range that’s twice as amazing. I had to stop volunteering at Stonewall because it conflicted with my work schedule, but then started training at the Kaleidoscope Youth Center and Columbus AIDS Task Force, which I’m very excited about. My current apartment complex also lost my rent check, my sister and I came to a head and she abruptly moved out and my family is dealing with a pretty serious crisis that’s threatening to tear us apart. I’ve completely failed where my diet is concerned. (Them McDonalds double cheeseburgers are hella tempting! Lol) Lastly, when I think I’m never going to get over my ex, a old flame returns, and it may even work this time. These are just a few examples…from the past month.
Another major change, and the reason for this post, is in the structure of my friendships.
SIDE NOTE: As you know I’ve been on the self help kick. It’s actually been helping quite a bit. Though, I can’t seem to get my eating habits under control, I’ve completely purged my life of toxic dating habits (taking on Ms. Clarkson’s mantra, “I do not hook up”). I’ve restructured my social life, meeting people through volunteer work instead of online and at bars. The body image issues haven’t exactly waned, but it’s no longer an obsession. I’m not exactly fine with the way I look, but I no longer care what others think about the way I look.
Anywho, through the suggestions of the self help books and my own personal revelations I’ve realized that I’m done with keeping toxic influences in my life. Please answer this in the comments below: If a friend treats you like shit, are they really your friend? I recently cut off two people, who I’ve been friends with for quite some time, cold turkey. Cutting off a friend, especially after knowing them for 10 years, is ten times more difficult then any breakup I’ve experienced.
The response from my other friends has actually been supportive, but I can’t seem to not think myself vicious. Mostly because I’m thinking about doing the same to two more friends. I won’t go into too much detail seeing as this post has already been bathed with enough melodrama. Just know I’ve felt slighted by these two for quite some time and have even mentioned it on various occasions to no avail. Which brings me to the question I need most help with, am I surrounded by toxic influences or do the toxins lie within?
Comment away……
Until next time.
~D.A. Steward
June 21, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Umm…This is crazy especially since we kinda jus talked about this and I def think that you have to do wats right for you. Honestly, it sounds as tho you are making decisions and moves to clean up wats around you to make things better in your life. I dnt kno the whole story or situation, but that leads me to believe that these ppl are the poison and you are trying to fix that. You’ve obviously dealt with it enough to feel like you cant do it anymore. As much as I dnt want you to break off a friendship, sometimes its best to step back and do you..without the xtra
June 22, 2009 at 1:27 am
these fools are trife…
if you have reconsidered these friendships and see that they are not beneficial to you what so ever, then it is definitely time to move on…. its just sad when people take legitimacy for granted….
June 23, 2009 at 2:50 am
So…i have no idea why im even responding to such a hurtful selfish blog..TOxic? if that what you really wrote.. that is beyond hurtful.. its ok to take a guy back who screwed you over but you can’t make up with two people who really cared about you who didnt do shit wrong.. why is it al labout u? dont you wonder about them? how they are getting along? no because its all about u.. What kind of friend were you? they kind that would rather your friend wonder home with some random guy after the bar so u didnt have to put up with them…very lame and sad, and selfish..im shocked.. people change and as i can see it wasnt for the better was it? your self help might be back firing and you might find your self by your self.. you dont cut off people who were there for u well you were sick as hell in the hospital .. or people who totally were ok with you coming out and were there for u.. you worry to much about what people think of you than actually how ur treating ur friend.. its wrong.. re read ur blog and see its selfish and your treating people like a smoking habbit.. what about the two other friends? are u chopping away ur family to.. im sick of u fucking hurting people..whatt the hell is wrong with u? i want to shake u and make you wake up.. where the fuck is the old stewy.. no where he died reading a self help book instead of living life, loving and being there for the people who really cared.. everyone makes mistakes.. but not everyone cuts people off like cold lunch meat. …maybe the only self help you need was to listen to ur heart in the first place instead of some book who calls ur friends toxic and makes you write horrid blogs about them and cutting two more off..its wrong.. your smarter than that.. or u were i have no idea who the fuck you are now.. some toxic person who cuts off people like lunch meat..have a wonderful life…